


Dear Sherlock

by consultingbatch



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Grief/Mourning, M/M, POV John Watson, Pain early in the morning, Poor John Watson, Post-Reichenbach, Why I am so mean, personal vent, they deserve better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:54:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21703291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/consultingbatch/pseuds/consultingbatch
Summary: John decides to write a letter to Sherlock two years after his fall.
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Comments: 19
Kudos: 34





	Dear Sherlock

7th December

My dear Sherlock,

I don't even know why I am doing this…. writing to you, knowing you won't answer this. My therapist told me to do so, to write down the stuff I wanted to say but I didn't say.

Sherlock, it's been two years, two bloody years… but down deep I know you aren't dead, I believe you are somewhere. It just… can’t be true. It all happened in an eyeblink, too fast to realise what really happened. I was coming to look out for you, knowing something went wrong, that you must have been in danger and then your call…. I saw you standing there, talking to me about non-sense and then that " _Goodbye John_ "... _Christ_ Sherlock, it was the most horrendous day of my whole life. You jumped off that roof, and I wasn't able to catch you, to save you after all the time you did the same for me.

From that moment my world stopped. It crashed down, ironically it landed as you did on that cold pavement, leaving just pain, grief and void. _Sentiment_ , you would say: but you know me, I am the heart to your mind and you ~~are~~ were my best friend, Sherlock. You saved me you know that, you bloody idiot.

I really should stop writing, it's 3 am after all, but finally, after months I have found the gut to do it. I have the courage to tell you that ~~I love you~~ I miss you, Sherlock.

I’ve just dreamt of you, after a few weeks. In the dream you were with me, Sherlock: we walked around London, just as we used to do... I miss our cases, our old life together. Baker Street. Last time I've gone there to fetch my things up I heard you playing your violin. It must be some sort of PTSD, I suppose. Mycroft collected most of your stuff, only the dusty furniture is still there. The smiley face on the wall, our chairs, the kitchen table now empty of your scientific experiments. Even Mrs. Hudson can’t come upstairs because of the memories; the flat is stuffy. ~~But it still smells of you.~~

I couldn't stay there, it wasn't good for me. I need to start over, but how can I? Everything remembers me of you, Sherlock. I want to step back but I can't. For this reason, I give myself some moments: I know this sounds like the silliest thing I've done but you know I **have always played the fool for you,** after all. I go and drink, until I feel tipsy, as a way of escape, I suppose. It feels awful the next morning but it's the only way to make my mind stop thinking about you. ~~I haven't told these things to my therapist though, it's a luxury I give myself the night after the session, no matter if it went good or bad.~~

Apart from that, I visit your grave, at least twice a week. Even after two years, I am still not able to let you go. There is something that keeps me tied to you, to your memory. You saved me. So many times. From that random meeting at Bart’s, my life changed positively, in a way that’s not easy to put into words. You introduced me to a new life, you made me live again, Sherlock. You made me feel again all that adrenaline that I tried to repress after my awful time in Afghanistan.

I was lost and you picked me up from the hell I was living. But now that you are not here with me, that hell is back again. Two years ago you were mine, Sherlock. And now… now you are gone.

John H. Watson

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for the tears, pain and sad feelings conveyed with this fic.  
> I've used it as a personal vent, after two years since a good friend of mine (the Sherlock to my John) disappeared from their twitter accounts.  
> Anyways, I hope you've enjoyed it.  
> Leave a feedback here or on my Twitter account @consultingbatch.  
> x


End file.
